Silence is golden

Mon, 30 Aug 2004 04:19:56 GMT

switched my s/n and username and stuff. the new one is fa11enone7, so just go to there from now on. God bless.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM!!!!!

Tue, 24 Aug 2004 12:35:51 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM!!!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

Going ons as of late...

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 15:30:37 GMT

So my life isn't too exciting. The same stuff has been going on since the last few entries. Still having some car drama, still trying to get insurance, still waiting to get insurance so I can get my car registered in my name and my license switched. Hopefully that will all happen by Wed or Thurs. Other than that nonsense, I've been hanging out with my incredible girlfriend (whose birthday is on Tues), skating with Craig, Sam, and Dave has joined the group lately. We're still going to Manasquan park and goofing around there. That park is awesome because it's never really crowded and everything is set up really nice and it allows you to have a lot of fun, and that's what skating is all about, having fun. If you're skating to get sponsored or be in some kind of spotlight or just to "be cool" then you're doing it for the wrong reasons. Skating is just about having a good time with your friends at a local spot or whatever, and just keeping it fun. Like Craig and me playing a game of s-k-a-t-e and doing stupid tricks just to get a letter. That's fun. Or launching off the ramp and making a stupid noise in the air. Or even if it's just doing the same trick all day, as long as you're having fun, that's all that matters.

Well, I'm gonna hop in the shower now, swing by the skateshop for some grip for my lovely girlfriend and hopefully pick up a new pair of shoes for me, and then it's off to the Manasquan park for some awesomeness. God bless.

I'm so bored...

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 02:05:22 GMT

So, Sam is at work again. Why is it that whenever she is at work I always write (well, type) in this thing? I just get so bored and I think I just need to rant about things or something, I have no idea. There's just a bunch of random things that have been annoying me lately and I know it's not right to come in here and rant and rave and carry on, but hey, it's my journal and that's what it's here for.

For some odd reason, the sound of a cat meowing drives me insane anymore. Not so much like a little "Hey, pet me" type meow, but the "Let me in the door, c'mon, open the door, NOW!" type meow just drives me insane. I think it all branches back to the night that Sam's cat, the male cat, kept me awake all night because he'd meow to come in, I'd get up and let him in, he'd walk around for a bit, lay down for a few minutes, then get up and meow at the door to get out so I'd get back up and let him out. At first I didn't mind this, but after a good 10 or 11 times of this happening I became extremely annoyed and my hatred for cats returned. I have a deep seeded anger for cats because one almost killed me when I was a kid, no lie. I had a cat, and it's name was Angel (how ironic) and it scratched me one day, not on purpose or anything. As the next few days passed I started developing a lump on the side of my neck that eventually would lead to the locking of my head to my shoulder. No one really knew what it was, it was just some kind of growth that locked my head down and if anyone were to move my head from that position it would have snapped my neck and I would have died instantly. So I was in the hospital for a good week or 2 hooked up to all these IVs and junk and it finally went away somehow. Needless to say the cat was destroyed (as the vets say it) and I never liked cats from that day on. I don't know what it is lately, but meowing to me is like fingernails on a chalkboard to some people now. Sam and I are definitely getting dogs.

One more thing I have to rant about are all these stinkin punk/emo/hardcore/scene kids that are all like "I have to go to a show..." There's seriously kids that are like "I haven't been to a show in a week or so now, I really have to go to one..." like it's a matter of life and death. The punk kids are really annoying because they're all like "Anarchy!!! I hate Bush and the government" yet the government they hate is the same government that allows them to live freely and free from oppression, unlike other civilizations around the world. While they're preaching about anarchy, they're browsing around Hot Topic looking for the latest shirt with a catchy, corny phrase on it so they'll be "different" from everyone else because they can't conform, but while they're trying not to conform, that's exactly what they're doing, not to mention they're also paying for something created in the USA (for the most part) and also paying a tax to the government while buying their bracelets or CDs or whatever other taxable items they get. Round up all those Hot Topic hardcore anarchy punk kids and you'll find that they all look the same. They are some of the biggest hypocrits to walk to the earth. Emo kids are just annoying. Most of them come from families with money, or at least in this area they do, and all they complain about is how much their life sucks and how girls are evil and blah blah blah. First of all, your family is well off and you can support yourself, or you get support from your family and you probably haven't had a day in the real world your whole life. Second, the only reason that girls suck is because you expect too much and have all these ideas in your head of perfection and you can never just open your eyes and see people for who they really are, you automatically label girls as evil and write them off because you can't "break your heart anymore" or some junk like that. Watch some cartoons and cheer up already. Scene kids just annoy me to know end because it looks like someone took a guy and a girl, made about a million clones of them and decided to call that style "scene". They all have that silly haircut, guys and girls alike, with the hair going over one eye or combed a certain way and it's usually black or some dark color with some random highlights in it. Then they all have denim jackets and super tight pants that look like they were spraypainted on to their legs. On their feet it's always some sort of black shoes, whether it be Chuck Taylors, New Balance, Reebok, or whatever all black trendy shoe they can find. Let's not forget their wrists littered with bracelets and rubberbands and who knows what else. When they're all done perfecting their hair and their outfit they go out and buy a digital camera, go home, sit in a chair and hold the camera over their head and take a picture with some pout on their face or looking away all dramatic like. Go on www.myspace.com or www.makeoutclub.com or whatever other websites they use and you'll see exactly what I mean.

I know I'm probably out of line for saying all that, but it wouldn't bother me if they all didn't act like they do. It's just a bunch of normal kids that get involved with a group of people or a certain style of something and then they just become part of a herd. I wouldn't mind it if someone dressed like that just because they like to or whatever, but you rarely see that. You'll see kids that were all gangsta, grunge, or hippie one week, then they come across a Dashboard cd or whatever is cool on MTV and all of the sudden they look like everyone else and have that sappy attitude or are just completely arrogant. I dunno, people are people and I accept them no matter what, I just don't understand those few groups of people and why they do what they do and act like they act and I guess in a sense it's not for me to understand, which is why I just accept them and love them for who they are like any Christian would. Sorry for all my ranting and raving and I apologize if I offended anyone. It's just people have been getting to me lately and I've been trying to push my feelings down and just go with it, but a person can only take so much of something before it really gets to them. Granted saying all this probably wasn't the right way to release my feelings or whatever, but it's my journal it's where I vent. God bless.

Oh yeah, if you were ever a fan of Creed, well the guitar, bass, and drums part of it anyway, definitely go and pick up the Alter Bridge cd. It's amazing. Even if you never heard Creed or whatever, go pick it up anyway. It's very well written and Mark Tremonti is amazing at guitar.

My setup

Sun, 08 Aug 2004 19:02:01 GMT

Just thought I'd be random and put down my skateboard setup. So here it goes:

7.75" x 31.125" Rasa Libre Butterfly Deck
8.0" Monster Trucks (Black)
7/8" Shorty's Silverado Hardware (Phillips Head)
53mm Seek Kalis Dual Durometer Wheels
Powell Super Swiss 6-Ball Bearings
Shorty's Black Magic Griptape
Shorty's 98a Doh-Doh Bushings

So there it is. Told ya, this was a random post.

Subject: (optional)

Sun, 08 Aug 2004 15:29:41 GMT

So it's been a little while since I've typed in this thing. Let's see what's been going on lately. I've just been skating a lot, pretty much every day for the past 2 weeks now, so that's awesome. I've been spending every day with my beautiful, amazing girlfriend Sam. She bought a board and trucks the other day and we set her up a skateboard of her own and she's been learning how to skate. She can ollie standing still on cement now, by herself, which is quite awesome. She has really good balance so I think once she gets the motions down and the technique that the rest will come easy. She gets so excited about it too, it's really cool that she's so into it. Of course, along with skating comes hanging out with Craig and Amanda. Other than that, I've just been workin Mon thru Fri 9-4 at Circuit City. Yippee...

I'm starting to feel a little more confident about my car situation. My mom is supposed to mail me up my birth certificate and junk so I can get the title transferred to my name and get my license changed, so hopefully I can do that before the end of the month. First I have to get insurance, and it looks like I'm gonna have to go with Allstate, because believe it or not, they're the least expensive so far. Sam said she'll spot me the money to help pay for it and I can just pay her back little by little with every paycheck which rocks because as I'm paying her back, I can also save up for rent and other costs coming up in the near future.

Another positive thing that happened the other day was that I was offered a job at the skateshop in Belmar. When Sam and I went in to get her board and stuff, Bob (the owner) was there, and he knows who I am from going in there so much and I asked about a job early on in May or so, and he was like "You still lookin for a job?" and I told him how I work all week at Circuit City, but I could throw in some hours on the weekends and stuff and help promote the shop and all and he sounded pretty excited on that, so I'm praying that that all goes well.

Well, I'm gonna go get a shower and all that good stuff and wait around until 7 to go pick Sam up. That's right, I'm here all by myself today from 11-7... Bah. If you guys don't mind, can you please pray for me and my situation? Like the whole car insurance, job, life in general type thing? I'd really appreciate it. Thanks! God bless.

Driving sucks...

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 21:31:44 GMT

So I went to the DMV today in an attempt to get the title transferred on my car and to get an address change on my license, and of course it didn't happen. Turns out I need my birth certificate with me and an envelope or letter with the current address I'm at (I brought a pay stub, but that wasn't good enough). The thing is, I don't have my birth certificate. It's down in Wildwood, with satan a.k.a. my mom. I emailed her today and told her to send it up asap so I can get the car in my name and get this all done with. Another thing is I need car insurance before I can even get the car in my name, so now I'm going to get charged a late fee on the title transfer because my idiot step dad put the sell date of the car as the 18th and I have 10 days to take the title in and get it changed, and I get paid on Thursday, which is the 29th, so there's even more money I have to spend now. Not to mention that to start car insurance you have to pay like $400 dollars or more up front if you just get the basic coverage. My paycheck is only about $400 or so if I'm lucky, and I have a feeling this one is going to be a little less because of hour cut backs at work. So needless to say, this week is starting off to be a big ball of crap. It's only Monday and I already feel like giving up. I just don't understand why all this happened to me all at once and it all happened at the worst time possible. It all happened when I had no money and no job. My mom knew that too, but do you think she cared? No, she didn't. I am just talking to her every now and then because I have to in order to get the rest of my things from her and all of my legal documents and stuff, but as soon as I get all that, I'm not talking to her ever again and I don't want to see her ever again. She's not invited to my wedding, graduation, nothing. I know that sounds mean, but it's the truth. That's how much I can't stand her and what she did to me.

I just had to get that out. If you don't mind, can you please pray for me? Thanks. God bless.

it's sunday

Sun, 25 Jul 2004 21:03:01 GMT

Sam's at work today, 1 - 7. I've been pretty bored all day. Craig might be coming up to skate, but the only way he has to get up here is Amanda, so we'll see what happens with that. I hope he does get up here because skating with him the past few days has been pretty cool and I'm happy to be getting back into it. I haven't skated in a long time now, almost 2 months actually, so I've been way past due for some skate time. I'm going to try and stay with it as much as I can. I'm going to skate on the nights when Sam has work, and whenever I can really. These past few days have made me realize how much I really enjoy skating and even though it can be stressful at times, it's one of the few ways that I can actually get rid of some stress and get my mind off of things.

Another thing that got me all pumped on skating again is the new Thrasher magazine. It's the "10 Years of Thomas" issue. Sam bought it for me the other day and I've been reading through it repeatedly. It's like a 10 year retrospective on Jamie Thomas and his skating career/life. He's the man when it comes to a lot of things. Skating, being a Christian, being a positive role model, etc...

Well, I'm gonna go find something to do to kill some time before I hear from Craig. Hope everyone is doing well. God bless.

Mon, 19 Jul 2004 20:29:26 GMT

I miss Sam :( She's working until 10. Bah.

And yes, I changed my journal again. I was bored.

rain rain.... rain

Mon, 12 Jul 2004 22:13:31 GMT

so it's raining outside. this onslaught of rain made me be creative and change around my journal a bit. well, a lotta bit. it's a whole new look again. lemme know what you think, good or bad, all comments are welcome. it's very underoath inspired, being that all their photography for the new album is quite awesome, i decided to use it. so, that's the deal with that. i'm gonna go meet up with jeff and get me some baja fresh. i never had it before, but i heard it's amazing and jeff said i can pay him back, so to baja fresh i go. God bless.

peanuuuuuut, peanut butter, and JELLY!

Sun, 04 Jul 2004 20:03:20 GMT

So the past few days have been quite excellent if I do say so myself, and I do. Friday was the 9 month mark for me and my lovely lady Sam. I had work until 4 and then I came back and we hung out and ran around for a bit and then headed over to the Test Site for fireworks. It's quite awesome to have fireworks on an anniversary day, but it's even better when it's an incredible amount of professional fireworks. After the fireworks we met up with her friend Dan and went to the sand hills to watch him and his friends launch some fireworks... at each other. Needless to say it was hilarious. Dan had $300 worth of fireworks. One of the fireworks happened to be a mortar set. If you've never seen a mortar, it's basically just a tube that this ball of fireworks goes into (kind of looks like a cannonball, but smaller) and it launches it out and it's like a low scale professional firework. So, the guys are launching fireworks at each other and then it just kind of stops for a second and then you hear a *thwump* type sound, followed by a ball of fire shooting over the field at Dan's friends. The ball gets to be about 5 or 10 feet from the 2 kids and then just a huge ball of green and yellow engulfs the 2 of them. It was absolutely amazing. Then you just hear "Oh man! Are you guys alright?" followed by "I think I'm burnt! No, nevermind. F YOU!!!!" It was by far one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen. After that was over, Sam and I headed back here and just hung out and watched some TV.

Sam got a Sector 9 for her birthday, well early birthday. Her b-day isn't until August, but she got the Sector 9 early so she can use it throughout the summer. I took it out for a little test drive today, because I'm going to get one and I just wanted to make sure I liked it first, and let's just say it's one of the most incredible feelings in the world. Especially when you get to a big hill, or even just a mellow gradual hill, it's so much fun just to cruise on that thing. She has one of the more cushy cruising ones, I'm going to get one of the more carving style/ cruiser ones, that way I can get some decent speed and turn better. Those things are so much fun, it reminds me a lot of snowboarding, just the feel of it and all.

Well, that's about all the excitement going on lately. I've just been working at Circuit City and trying to clean up that mess over there. We have the Regional Vice President of the East Coast coming to inspect us on Tuesday and let's just say we're going to get our butts kicked. That store is a mess and no one cares enough to do anything about it. Oh well, not my problem. I've only been there 2 weeks and since I've started I've been doing nothing but cleaning up the previous Music Lead's mess and doing everything by myself basically. Bah to that. Hope you all had a good 4th of July weekend. God bless!

Oh yeah, if you like Atreyu, or just hardcore in general, pick up the new album "The Curse" ASAP. It's AMAZING! Granted it could do without the half naked girl on the cover and back and stuff, but whatever, you don't listen to the book. The CD is all that matters and it ROCKS!

taking a break

Sat, 26 Jun 2004 18:30:27 GMT

so, i have been thinking about school lately and the fact that i have one more semester to finish out. the thing is that i don't feel like doing it just yet. i don't have the money to do it, i don't have the equipment or money for the equipment or anything else. i gotta pay for my car, a place to live, food, and insurance and other crap, so i think i'm just going to take a semester off and just pick it up next year when i have a base to start on. i'm still going to live at the house with rick and tim and olivia and her friend, but i'm just gonna work straight through the winter instead of splitting time for school and work. the way my classes are scheduled there's not enough time to work, and if i don't work then i can live. so i'm going to continue working full time, and hopefully get some raises and stuff and make money to get by on. my stepdad is supposed to mail up all the adobe programs for illustrating and graphic design stuff, so as soon as i get those programs, i can make my resume and mail it out, and also make business cards and hopefully pick up a full time graphic design job. another reason i don't want to finish this semester is because it's all classes that don't apply to my job now, like sculpture and history of art 3 and just other classes i don't need to get a job. with the experience i have now and knowledge of photoshop, illustrator, in-design, quark, and pagemaker i'm more than qualified to get a job, with or without a college degree. so i'm going to see if i can land a graphic design job, a real job, and start my life from there. i'm just fed up with school and the money issues, also the whole deal with being kicked out of my house and cut off financially and i don't have any support now pretty much killed my opportunity for school at this moment. so i'm just going to take it easy, work, make me some money, and just get my life in order before i decide where i want to go with it.

so yeah. i'm done ranting now. i just had to get that out. i'm going to go and hopefully get my car in order today, and if not today then definitely tomorrow because i can't drive it like it is now. but i'm not gonna rant about that. i hope everyone is having fun and doing alright. God bless.

oh yeah, my background is quite the surferish type thing now. i thought it was relaxing and a nice picture. it's from the sector 9 site. yeahhhhhhh.

circuit city... ugh.

Wed, 23 Jun 2004 13:08:59 GMT

so i have been working at circuit city for 4 days now, 3 if you wanna get technical because i haven't gone in yet today. anyway, it's a mess. i'm a product specialist in the music department, so they call me the "music specialist" which apparently is a lead position, which sucks. let me tell you why it sucks.

my training consisted of "e-learning" which is sitting in front of a computer and learning things. that was a whole days worth right there. then the next day i sat in front of it again for half the day, then i got a walk around of the store from the girl i'm replacing, who doesn't say very much, so needless to say i didn't learn much. i just learned where the stuff is in the back of the store, where the book of weekly changes and stuff is, and where the book that lists all of our product is. that's about it. i really didn't learn how to do anything. then yesterday i was supposed to learn how to do cycle counts and some other things, but i didn't. she just told me that i should let a manager know in the morning that i need the cycle count sheet and they'll print it out, and then i have to count everything and enter it into the computer... which she didn't show me how to do. so basically i'm the lead of this department at circuit city and i have no idea what to do because no one shows me how to do things. it sucks.

today we have truck coming in and apparently that sucks a lot because some people at work don't get along and it gets kinda hectic. so this should be a load of fun today. i just wanna get this day at work out of the way and come home and hang out with sam. it sucks that i'm at work til 4 or whatever everyday because all i really wanna do is hang out with sam and relax. bah.

well, i'm gonna go get ready for work and be on my way to the torture chamber. God bless.

home depot is a joke

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 14:04:41 GMT

ok, so ya know how i was supposed to be working at home depot? well i'm not anymore. 2 and a half weeks have passed since i got "hired" to the employee orientation date. they were supposed to call me back a bunch of times, but never did. so while i was waiting for home depot to call me back, circuit city actually called me and asked if i'd like to come in for an interview, so i said sure. i went in, talked to the store manager and she offered me the position of "music specialist" due to my experience at sam goody. they usually don't hire people to full-time right away, but she said she has a position/situation that allows for that to happen, so now i'm the full-time music specialist. i go in for training today, but i think she said it's basically computer training or something like that, so i have a feeling i won't be there too long today. the pay is $8 an hour, which is 50 cents less than home depot, but i'll be getting more hours and i'm working with things i like now, so that's always a plus. just wanted to update and let ya'll know what's up. God bless.

oh yeah, things with me and sam are amazing. she truly is a blessing from God.

i'm a workin man

Mon, 31 May 2004 17:57:46 GMT

so today i had me an interview at home depot. i went in, talked to the guy for 12minutes, and got a job. i'll be making $8.50 an hour and in 90 days if i do a good job i'll get a 50 cent raise. all i gotta do now is take a drug test within the next 24 hours and then after home depot gets the results, they'll call me and let me know about orientation and all that good stuff. being that i'm straight edge and never touched a drug in my life, i'm not really worried bout this drug test. only "drug" i come close to is caffeine, but i'm tryin to get off that stuff because the headaches are crazy if you don't keep the caffeine coming. so i'm hoping that the orientation goes well and that the job is cool. the people seem really nice there and the store manager is really cool, so it should be a good time. he said that i'll probably be put in the lumber department, which is really cool because there's not too much to learn about. he was all like "so you skateboard huh?" and i was like "yup" and he said "so you know a bit about wood right?" and i said "yup" and he's all like "lumber department it is!" haha.

anyway, i just wanted to update on that and let everyone know the job search has ended. God bless.

ugh............

Mon, 24 May 2004 17:00:08 GMT

so, the job hunt has been unsuccessful so far. i've applied to 4 places: pacsun, journeys, spellbinders, and brave new world. here's the results of those 4 so far: pacsun= going to call back and set up an interview; journeys= "too many guys working there right now, trying to just hire girls and even things out"; spellbinders= going to call me back and set up an interview; brave new world= not hiring for another month or so. yeah, that's the situation so far. i called the skateshop in belmar, again, and just left a message. i said i wasn't trying to bother him or whatever, but i just really need a job and his shop is the only skateshop in the area that i really have respect for because he's not a corporate sellout wannabe like the rest. i think i might try circuit city and maybe go around the mall some more and see what i can find.

other than the job insanity not much has been going on lately. i checked out the youth group orb on thursday night and it was pretty cool. dan, jim, and tom sasso were there so that's always fun. i'll probably go again this thursday and hang out again, it's a good time. the adult group meets tomorrow night, but that's pretty lame and everyone is so serious there. i don't have a problem with sitting down and talking about things related to Christianity or even going over bible verses, but there's just a really dull vibe there and i can't enjoy myself most of the time.

lately just kinda sucks. i've had little or no motivation to do things, not having a job is really getting to me, being kicked out of the house really really sucks, and everything is just building up and getting to me anymore. there's only a few good things i have right now and those are God, my friends (what's left of them) and sam. sam seriously gets me through a lot of things and i don't know where i'd be if i didn't have her.

well, i'm gonna go watch some spiderman and pick sam up soon. hope everyone is doing ok out there. God bless.

on my own

Wed, 19 May 2004 17:06:53 GMT

so as of last night i have been officially kicked out of my house... again. but this time it's for good. my mom literally wrote up a contract saying that, if i wanted to, i could stay down there for 2 more weeks, but at the end of the 2 weeks i had to have a job and find a place to stay. there were other parts of the contract too, about paying my own health insurance and all this other stuff, but the thing i don't get is how in the world am i supposed to afford a place of my own after only 2 weeks of work? i mean at most places you get paid every 2 weeks, and the overall amount is something like 400 dollar or maybe 500 if you're lucky. so yeah, needless to say i'm out of my house and up at sam's for now. i found a place to stay next semester and until may, so that's covered, but after that i don't know. and as for this summer, i don't know if i can just chill here because there's not an abundance of room or anything, plus i'm sure her parents aren't really down with that. i drove up here last night and got here around 1:15am and just slept in sam's room and she took the couch in the back room. i feel bad about this though. like i should be sleeping on the couch, or even my car, because i'm the one that got kicked out of my house and i'm the one who screws everything up, not her.

so now the hunt for a job begins. i think today i'm just going to relax with sam for the day and then tomorrow we're gonna head to the mall and see what we can find as far as jobs go. i'm going to apply at anywhere that's hiring because i honestly don't care where i work right now, except sam goody because that would just suck again. i know i should get a jump on things and look today, but i'm too upset still and honestly don't feel like moving. i haven't eaten anything or drank anything all morning, and that is odd for me because i always have breakfast and something to drink when i wake up. sam's dad offered me breakfast, but i just said i wasn't hungry. so hopefully today i can relax and start to put things behind me so i can be on my own now.

i called karen last night to see if her or frank could talk to my dad and let him know what's going on. i haven't talked to him since freshman year of college, so what's that, 4 years now? i've always been afraid to call him because 1)i think he hates me 2) my mom would flip out if she saw the number on my cell phone bill. but karen said she's talk to frank and that he'd probably talk to my dad today or whatever, so hopefully something good will come out of this. i told karen i'm not looking for a place to stay with him or money or anything, i just want my dad back, that's all. so i'm hoping things will work out with him and we can be cool again.

well, i'm gonna go sit around and try to find something to do for 40min, then i get to pick sam up from school. i can't wait to see her. i hope everyone out there is doing better than i am right now. God bless.

i just wanted to thank all my friends that have been there for me all this time. anyone who helped out in anyway, i appreciate what you've done for me more than you could ever know. whether it's buying me a soda at work or letting me crash at your place for a day or so, or even offering me the chance to stay with you, i really am thankful for all you guys and gals have done. i told my mom that my friends are more of a family than they are, and i know it sounds wrong, but it's true. you are all understanding of things and aren't self righteous or judgmental. so thank you for being like a family to me now, and all the times when i really didn't have one. sorry that i'm a slacker, or loser, or whatever else my mom chose to call me last night, i'm trying to improve, but i haven't had the easiest upbringing so it's tough for me to be right with things when my past was so wrong.

and an extra special thanks to sam for being incredible and going out of her way for me in all my times of need. without her i don't know where i'd be.

today i was a rockstar

Wed, 19 May 2004 00:23:49 GMT

that's right, today i was a rockstar. i started a job yesterday and quit it today. i'm awesome like that... yeah. that job sucked so much. i basically was handed a job by my stepdad because he said it'd be a "good experience" for me with design, so i was like "ok". the job was to work at the newspaper where he works, but his tricking me into the job was "we also do book covers and posters and other design jobs, so you'll be doing plenty of things" and in reality i worked at the newspaper doing layout... for the newspaper. there was no design to it, no time or effort involved, it was "they paid 15 bucks for this ad, don't work on it for more than an hour" and it was only a little inch by inch square with a few words in it also known as "the classifieds". that's what i was doing, typing up classified ads. i'd draw a stupid little box, pick like 3 different fonts, and cram what they want into the littlest space possible. it was ridiculous. i don't go to school for 24,000 bucks or so a year to do that crap. anyone could do that job as long as they're able to learn. the only program we really used was pagemaker. illustrator and photoshop were both on the computer, but i only used pagemaker. i got to use photoshop today to fade out a picture, and that's about it.

so i started yesterday (monday) and got introduced to pagemaker and got what are known as "copy change" ads, which are just ads that need to be corrected in some way, and they'll mark what has to be done and my job is to make those adjustments. it started off alright and then as the day went on and that's all i did i started to realize how stupid this job was. so i stuck it out from 11 - 7 and left. i figured i'd see how today went and if it sucked, i'd quit. obviously it sucked. i did what i had to do today, only i was supposed to be there from 11 - 9, but i left at 7 because there was nothing else for me to do and i certainly wasn't going to waste 2 hours of my life sitting around in that stupid place, so i clocked out, told them i quit, and headed home.

i got home and my stepdad gave me this "are you serious?" type look and said "what's goin on?" and i said "i left because there was nothing for me to do" and he's like "did you quit?" and i said "yup" and he asked "why?" and i told him that that's not what i want to do with my life so i'm not going to waste my time doing that job and being miserable all day. it was only supposed to be a 70 hour internship and it somehow turned into a 40 hour a week full time job. i wasn't gaining any experience in the field i want to get involved in and i wasn't having a good time, so that's that. then my stepdad went on to say "i moved that whole office around and organized everything to get you in there and get you set up for work" and i said "i didn't ask for that job, i asked for an internship. plus, i'm not going to work there and have you be all fake with me and friendly there then come home and be ignored here" and he said "i told you, business and personal life are 2 different things" and i said "you're right, i quit, that's business." and he had nothing to say to that.

anyway. now my mission is to find a job up by sam's house and an internship in that area and just chill up there this summer. her parents said it's cool if i live there this summer, so that's awesome for me. her parents and i get along and don't have any problems, plus i'd be living in the same house as my amazing girlfriend, so i'm praying that i can find a job up there and things will work out. i'm just leaving it to God now. also, don called me today and said it's cool if i live in the house next year because he talked to tom and tom said i can stay in the little room and he won't charge me as much as the full rent, so that's quite nice.

well, i'm gonna go now and get me some delicious wawa goodness. if you guys could, pray for me? i'd appreciate it. i need a job and a way out of south jersey FAST! God bless.

what a crappy way to start 22 years of my life

Sun, 16 May 2004 01:41:57 GMT

so today was my birthday... and it sucked. a lot. just as i thought it would. the only good thing that happened today was that i got to see sam. she's the only reason this day was worthwhile at all. let me give you the rundown of what happened today.

woke up at 9, got a shower, ate some "birthday donuts" my sister got me from acme, sat around for a little bit and then sam showed up around 10:15 or a little after. so sam and i hung around for a bit and just relaxed before we set out to cash a birthday check of mine so i could buy my stepdad a present for his birthday, which is monday. so we went to woody's surf n skate in north wildwood, they didn't have anything, then we went to wild ocean and they had some sale racks outside and i found a shirt for my stepdad. he just likes button down plaid shirts, so i got him this red/blue/tan kinda button down shirt made by billabong. figured i'd try and get him something that's not from jcpenney or kmart. so after that we went out to woody's surf n skate in rio grande and i bought a new pink unit skate tool. i gave sam my black one that i've had for a long time, and i figured i'd pick up another, and just so happens they make them in neon pink now. so yeah, that's mine now. then we came back and hung out until it was time to go to the "surprise birthday" dinner, which was really just a big cover up for my mom's graduation dinner...

my mom graduated yesterday, and instead of celebrating yesterday, we decided we'll have a big birthday/graduation combo dinner celebration. i thought it was kind of a cool idea, but wasn't too crazy about it because i knew what was coming. my mom is pretty much like "i graduated, pay attention to me, your birthday doesn't matter" just as long as she gets what she wants and is praised for her 2 year culinary graduation, that's all that matters. that's basically what today was. we pulled up to the restaurant and went inside and the hostess was like "can i help you?" and i was like "there's a scully..." and she just interupted with "graduation dinner?" and i was just like "yeah... that." so we went upstairs and there's a big "hats off to the grad!" banner pinned up, a big foam graduation hat, little bottles of bubbles with graduation caps, graduation temporary tattoos, and get this, special "susan scully's graduation menu" pages on all the places at the restaurant. they made up stinkin special graduation menus for this thing. was there any sign of a birthday celebration anywhere? no. definitely not. people were just like "happy birthday... isn't that great about your mom? your mom...." and just kept going on about my mom. they weren't even my friends that were there. everyone was there for my mom's graduation.

so sam and i just sat there and suffered for a while and then they started seating people for dinner and they came around to me and i just said "i'm not eating, i don't have an appetite for anything, i just want to go" and then people were like "what? why do you want to go?" and i just said "i'm not having a good time, i don't want to be here, this clearly doesn't have anything to do with my birthday." so sam and i just left. 5min after we got back to the house, paul pulls up and comes running towards the house. i figured he was coming back to try and talk to me and make things ok, no. he came in and said "your mom forgot her gold medal from graduation, i gotta grab it so everyone can see it." so he grabbed it and left. so sam and i just hung out and eventually everyone came home and my mom's friends left and then sam left not too long after, which really sucked. so i'm sitting here and my little sisters are like "aren't you going to open your presents?" and i just said "no, i don't feel like it" and they're just like "it's your birthday, c'mon you're supposed to be happy" and i just said "it doesn't matter, this birthday is far from happy" so i just opened morgan's presents to make her happy. then my mom's friend came over so her and my older sister can go drinking and while she's waiting for my sister she looks over at me and goes "you're lucky i didn't kick you a** all the way down those steps today" and i was like "what are you talking about?" and she's like "you know what i'm talking about" and i just said "honestly i don't care" and then she just made some comments to my stepdad like "if that was my kid they'd have another thing coming to them."

then they left and my stepdad is getting ready for "special night" with my little sisters and niece, which is they watch a movie and eat ice cream and stuff. my one little sister was like "what movie are we watching?" and my stepdad said "why don't we let your mom pick? it's her special day today"... HER SPECIAL DAY?!?! get over it, she went through a midlife crisis, decided she wanted to be a chef, went to school for 2 years, got a degree, and my birthday is now her special day? what a load of crap. plus, there's a ton of flowers around the house and my sisters are like "why are there so many flowers?" and my stepdad says again "it's your mom's special day, everyone gave her flowers." so without me knowing it, my birthday has now been turned into my mom's special day and is no longer my birthday, so i don't matter now. everyone is giving me an attitude about walking out on dinner, but why in the world would i hang out with a bunch of people that aren't my friends and watch them get drunk and have a bad time on my birthday? it's not what i wanted to do on my birthday, so i wasn't gonna do it.

so now i'm sitting here, typing this, waiting for my little siters and niece to go to bed so i can get reemed by my stepdad and my mom. honestly, i don't care what they have to say, and i know they're not gonna care what i have to say, but tonight i am going to be heard. i'm tired of dealing with this family and their lack of campassion and lack of sympathy. when it comes down to it, everyone is looking out for themselves and if that means my family taking my birthday and making it into a day of celebration for my mom, then by all means they're going to do it because they know my mom would throw a fit if no one had a graduation celebration for her. so that is why my birthday has been turned into a celebration for her, and what i have to say on this day doesn't matter and what i want to do doesn't matter because we're going to do what my mom wants. that's the way it is, always has been, and always will be. that's my life with this family... it sucks.

God bless.

being home SUCKS!

Sat, 15 May 2004 02:36:52 GMT

well, i've been home since tuesday... and it SUCKS! i have no privacy at all and it's just very frustrating being down here. the reason i have no privacy is because my room is basically our old family room, so i have no walls... at all. the only walls i do have both have windows on them, which are street level, so everyone and their mom can see what i'm doing at all times of the day. the reasoning for this is because my family is basically disfunctional. my mom and stepdad no longer sleep in the same bed, and haven't for a long time now. and when i left for college my one little sister took over my room and my other little sister got my parents' room, and they're now upstairs in my little sisters' old rooms. my mom has her bedroom all setup and my stepdad has the "studio" room, which also serves as his room now because he has a bed in there too. so everyone in this house has their own room. you'd think a married couple with 2 kids of their own would sleep in the same bed and love each other, but they don't. instead they have 2 kids that annoy the crap out of them and they are always yelling at because they don't discipline them right, and then they go and yell at each other. my mom yells at my stepdad because he's "fat and lazy", and granted he's not in top physical condition and doesn't do much, but he also works numerous jobs to support this family while my mom goes off to school to become a chef. yeah, pretty lame. so being home causes a lot of stress because no one gets along, the kids have such mouths on them and fire back when they're told to do something, and it's just very tense down here. i can't wait for september.

on a lighter note, i get to see sam tomorrow!!! she's comin down for my b-day tomorrow, which is the best present ever! that's all i really wanted, is just to see her on my birthday. we've been pretty upset lately with being apart and the distance is causing some stress and frustration, but tomorrow should be a nice change from all that. plus i'm plannin on headin up there for a weekend soon because i just can't stand it down here. but i won't get back on that topic again.

well, i'm gonna go watch a movie with my mom and older sister (yes, i have 3 sisters... 2 younger, 1 older) and then probably get some sleep. goodnight everyone and God bless.

this needs to stop

Wed, 12 May 2004 20:23:23 GMT

so all this sarah drama needs to stop. for some reason people that aren't me or sam seem to stumble across stuff that has to do with sarah or along those lines. it's getting really ridiculous. and if it's not somebody else, it's the source herself saying things and acting ways to make sam doubt things or make sam question what's going on. it's seriously gotta stop. people need to stop bringing up the past and more importantly things that aren't true. it's just getting ridiculous now. whether it be sarah lying, someone in sam's class digging up an ancient journal of mine, or whatever else seems to pop it, it all needs to end. like i said before, it's the past, and that's where it needs to stay. it's over, just let it be over. i was miserable with sarah, i was treated like crap, and it was the worst 3 and a half years of my life. to this day i wish me and sarah never happened. i wish we just stayed friends and that's it, but no, we had to cross that line and then i found out who she really was and i hate that person. i know as a Christian i'm not supposed to hate anyone or have any harsh feelings, but she's the one person i can't help but to feel negatively towards. just all the trouble she's caused and is still causing to this day is making me miserable and hating every second of it. i hope all this drama will settle down and she'll just fade out of the picture and me and sam can just continue to move forward in our relationship without this crap in our way.

sorry for all that ranting and raving, but i just needed to get it out because i've been nice for as long as i could, and now i'm gonna say what i have to say. i'm trying to be as civil as i can about this, but you gotta understand that this has been going on for a long long time now and enough is enough now. God bless.

well, it's tuesday...

Tue, 11 May 2004 17:14:47 GMT

i have officially packed up my car and am ready to go home. it really sucks that i have to say that. my car is like 3 inches lower now and i'm kinda scared to drive home because my tires are a bit squishy from all the weight. i'm prayin super hard that the Lord lets me make it home alright and just get all unpacked and settled. i'm trying to be as positive as i can about today, but let's be honest, i'm not looking forward to going home and being that far away from sam. it sucks we live that far apart, but i'm just looking at the positive of the situation, which is that we'll see each other in the summer and it's only 3 months and they'll go by really fast. after these 3 months are over, i'll be back here in september until may and then sam graduates and we'll be together for good after that. i can't wait until september. no more breaks from each other, no more 2 hour drives to see each other. it's gonna be nice.

well, i'm gonna go cool off because i feel like i'm gonna pass out. moving an entire room into your car in 80 degree weather wearing jeans and a black shirt probably isn't the best of ideas :-\ can you please pray that i make it home alright? thanks guys and gals. God bless.

it's monday

Mon, 10 May 2004 15:15:53 GMT

so uh, it's monday. i just woke up. it's about 11:09am right now. i've actually been up since 10:50 because my nose is so stinkin stuffed that it's kinda hard to breathe right now... stupid allergies. so much for sleeping in.

so today is my last day of doing nothing up here. i have my painting final critique tomorrow and then i go home after that. i can't believe it's time to go home already. it's gonna suck going home because i'm going to miss sam a lot. a whoooollllleeeee lot. but she's coming down on saturday for my b-day so that should be cool, plus i have the weekends off in the summer, so i'll be up here and she's gonna come down so we can hang out so summer shouldn't be too bad at all actually. i think we'll probably see each other more than we think.

i was gonna say that i might go skating today, but sam bought me a new board for my b-day this weekend and i'm not allowed to skate it until saturday. it's all hooked up and ready to go, i'm just not allowed to set foot on it yet. bah.

anyway, i'm gonna go get this day moving and start packin up some things. i'm starting to doubt the room in my car. i don't think i'll be able to fit all my crap in there, but we shall see. you'd be amazed at how much that little car can hold. well, hope you all have a good day. God bless.